Getting unstuck at Heathrow security

Heathrow Security Agent: We are having trouble seeing through your bag. May I ask you a few questions?

Me: Of course

Agent: Do you have any electronics in there?

Me: Yes. My phone, my headphones, my portable speaker, iPad, three or four external batteries, adapters, and many, many cords. Crazy number of cords. It’s mostly cords.

Agent: Thank you. That explains why we can’t see through your bag. The x-ray is obscured by your electronics. Can I ask why you travel with so many electronics?

Me: The electronics keep me from getting lost.

Agent: Lost?

Me: Yes, I get lost quite easily.

Agent: So you need a GPS. Which is literally the only piece of electronica you didn’t just rattle off to me.

Me: Oh sorry, I don’t mean I get physically lost. I mean lost in a more metaphysical sense.

Agent: Ah.

Me: No really- Google Maps makes sure we don’t get physically lost anymore. But we do go missing in many more conceptual ways these days, don’t we? I think there are a lot of Billy Pilgrims in the world today.

Agent: Billy Pilgrims…

Me: The protagonist of Slaughterhouse-Five. It begins with the line “Billy Pilgrim has become unstuck in time.” I think many of us in the world today can become unstuck in various ways. Unstuck in time. Unstuck in spirit. In life.

Agent: You are unstuck in life.

Me: I used to be. But now I have all these electronics!

Agent: And all the cords.

Me: The iPad connects me to my country, the phone keeps me in contact with family and friends via social channels, the portable speaker and earphones wrap me in music and words that remind me of my home and my past. Each is a part of my astronaut suit, allowing me to survive in any atmosphere.

Agent: So you carry your home around with you wherever you go, then?

Me: I feel a turtle analogy coming…

Agent: Crossed my mind. And it’s fine, I guess, if it helps you get through. Bit of a shame though.

Me: How’s it a shame? I’m no longer unstuck, I’m grounded, I’m-

Agent: Can I ask, did you come to this place against your will?

Me: What? England? No! Not at all. I love England.

Agent: Did you have a chance to love England, or were you just wrapped up in your cords the whole time? Astronauts have suits because they would die without them. Would you die without your electronics? Or would a little breath of the English air do you some good?

Me: Listen, now, I saw plenty of England while I was here. I went for a lovely walk through Hyde P-

Agent: Yeah, we saw your pictures on Instagram. How much of Hyde Park did you see through those electronics versus your own two eyes?

Me: You follow me on Instagram?

Agent: We are quite thorough, sir. We saw you went to the Opera House too, according to Twitter. But how much did you really experience one of our grandest temples of culture versus figuring out how to take a selfie that included your smiling mug and the famous building in the background?

Me: Well, I-

Agent: Look, don’t get me wrong, you seem like a nice chap. And I get that it can be uncomfortable to become “unstuck”, as you call it. I just wonder whether the point of traveling is to become willingly unstuck.

Me: Go on…

Agent: Hyde Park is more than a photo op. It is trees and grass and hills and water. This time of year it’s browns and grays and blacks, no less lovely than the height of summer, if you allow your eyes to see it. The Tchaikovsky you saw at the Opera House is one of his lesser-known works, but it is lush with soaring orchestrations and shimmering coloratura, if you allow your ears to hear it. Even here, at Heathrow Terminal 5, you are at one of the great international crossroads of the world: a modern day bazaar of languages and accents, dress and hair styles, jewelry and colognes. The sheer human variety is astounding. And yet look even closer and you will see human commonality- regardless of where we come from. The same furrowed brows of people looking for a departure gate, the same tender tears in saying goodbye to loved ones, the same peals of laughter amongst a group of longtime friends. And yet for you, all of it, just like my x-ray, is completely obscured by your electronics.

(Pause)

Me: That was incredible.

Agent: Right. Here’s your bag. All set.

Me: No really, that was tremendous. Can you hand me my phone?

Agent: Your phone?

Me: Yes. That last thing you just said. It’s given me an idea for a blog post. I need to sit down somewhere and type it on my phone before I forget your words.

Agent: Hopeless. You are totally hopeless. Okay then, Billy Pilgrim, on your way…