An Unexpected Way to Calm your Anxiety
Why I Walk in Cemeteries
An old friend and I were on a long stroll when our discussion unexpectedly erupted. Months of constant anxiety had left us raw and brittle and emotional exhaustion produced a rare blow-up lasting several city blocks. The pandemic does this to people.
Words exchanged, we walked on in seething silence until we arrived at our destination — an old city cemetery. It had been my idea to walk there in the first place, as it had become a personal refuge since the early days of the pandemic.
My friend and I (still seething, still silent), passed through the large iron gates and continued down the central pathway, rows of tombstones to our left and right.
At that point, I did what I always do: I slowed my gait. I read each headstone. I took in each name, each birth date, each death date. The entirety of a life represented by just a few words and numbers.
In an instant, the argument with my friend lost all significance. The anger coursing through my veins evaporated. I was once again at peace. The same seemed to happened to my friend and we made our awkward apologies.
The cemetery had forced us to regain our perspective.
One might believe that staring at death like this would amplify anxiety and stress. I have found the opposite to be true. A graveyard walk invariably reminds me that the worries clenching my stomach aren’t actually that big a deal. Spending time considering the impermanence of life renews my appreciation of life.
Wandering a cemetery redirects my anxious energy toward productive energy.
None of this is new. The Romans had a phrase, memento mori, meaning “remember you must die.” It is a reminder to make the most of your life while you have it.
In his book, The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday provides modern day advice culled from the words of ancient Stoic philosophers, including an entire chapter about memento mori:
In the shadow of death, prioritization is easier… Everything falls in its proper place and perspective. Why would you do the wrong thing? Why feel fear? Why let yourself and others down? Life will be over soon enough; death chides us that we may as well do life right.
Ryan Holiday, The Obstacle is the Way
As my friend and I exited that old city cemetery, our easy conversation resumed, the emotional storm clouds passed, and we once again enjoyed a long, strolling chat.
In the time we have, we may as well do life right.
Memento Mori.
